Increasing your wife’s sexual desire

"I was scrolling through different articles online and this one caught my attention, not because of the heading but because of the number of hits. All other articles have an average of 1500 hits but this particular one had almost 7000 hits. Is it because we love our wives or really want to know the way to her pants?

I’m not surprised that the article was written by a woman though."

“Increasing your wife’s sexual desire

It has been said over and over that most women don’t desire sex as frequently as men do. This is largely due to the physiological makeup of the female being. While a man is aroused by the mere sight of the nakedness or writhing of a female body, a woman will have to be tuned up through sweet talks, body touches, or appreciative comments about her looks for her to feel like having sex. This difference is what has made sexual intimacy among couples a mirage for most married men.

This is also a source of concern for most women since their husbands look impossible with reference to sexual demands on their wives. Thus, most women feel that their husbands are just inconsiderate human beings who behave selfishly in their sexual demands. To them, all that a man thinks of is sex all of the time.

However, over the years, it has been discovered that the frequency of sexual desire of women can be increased with the support from, or deliberate effort of their husbands. How this is achieved is the subject of this discuss.  If a man desires his wife to frequent the bedroom with him, he may need to do more to help his wife become sex hungry. In most cases, most married women’s attitude towards sex is a reflection of their husbands’ treatment. So, every husband who wants to increase his wife’s sexual desire must learn to do the following:

Stay close to her
Move closer to your wife by spending more time with her and sharing your deep thoughts with her. Closeness to her demands carrying her along in your dealings, daily schedules, fears, aspirations, and concerns. The frequency of such time spent together will also enhance the chances of sexual intercourse between the couple, since one thing may lead to another. Such time spent together should not just be only to discuss your feelings with her, it should also be to listen to her own stories or things she wants to discuss with you. By nature, a woman wants to be listened to. So, you should allow her to pour out her mind. When you do this, it is a major signal of your love for her. Many husbands do not realise that such time spent with their wives is actually an opportunity to secure sex from her.

Show more care and concern
Be more caring by showing great and active interest in things that interest her in the areas of her career, hobbies, health, and parental issues. It soars your credentials with her when you concern yourself with such affairs of her life. It makes her feel great about you and prepares her emotionally to be with you in bed.

Adore her 
Make her feel she is the most important person in your life. In fact, do everything to make her feel that you can’t live without her. Husbands need to learn the art of adoring their wives. This will secure great sex from any woman. To adore her means holding her in high esteem and verbalising it to her; be all over her wherever you are as a sign that you enjoy being with her. Without being boring or monitoring her, keep in touch with her regularly through the phone especially when you are away from each other due to work schedule, and social functions. This should not be difficult since most men do that while wooing their wives for marriage.

Learn the art of lovemaking 
Learn the art of lovemaking with reference to foreplay, coitus, afterglow treatment and so forth. In my counselling experience, I have discovered that most couples, especially the religious ones, do not have good knowledge of sexual relationship. No thanks to the many religious houses, who do not prepare them ahead for sex in marriage. Many of us thus enter into marriage to learn by trial and error, and in an attempt not to be seen as being promiscuous, we shy away from discussing our sexual satisfaction or dissatisfaction with our spouse, preferring to suffer in silence. Unfortunately, it is the wife that suffers the most since she is the one who is left sexually unfulfilled most of the time by the inexperienced husband. No wonder she feigns tiredness, headaches and stomach upset most of the time for her to avoid miserable times spent in bed with her husband.

It beats my imagination why a wife will feign all manner of ailments to avoid the beauty of sex, if she has discovered its sweetness. Or do you think ants can smell honey, and not be drawn to it? That is what sex is if properly handled by couples; you cannot run away from such a wonderful experience called sex in marriage.

A man must therefore learn the art of lovemaking if he will secure frequent great sex acts from his wife. He must spend time and money on literatures and seminars to discover how to make his wife desire sex regularly from him. There is nothing you need to know that somebody has not known already. I bet it with you, it will be worth the effort at the end of the day. When your wife is sexually satisfied, she will be ever ready to do it with you over and over as you learn to treat her the right ways in your marriage.

Be sensitive to her moods and sexual advances 
You just have to learn to play along with her games for sexual enjoyment. Be ready to be there for her when she needs you sexually. Don’t make her feel used during sexual acts. Rather, you should help her attain high level of sexual intercourse by yielding to her requests with reference to how you hold, touch, and enter into her during sexual acts. This will go a long way to making her look forward to another sexual moment with you.

Understand and use her love key
Understand her love key and use it to the fullest to get her sexual attention. This has been extensively discussed in previous write-ups in this column, and you will do well to go over them and apply the principles of the love keys. On request, I can also mail it to your e-mail address. But let me chip it in here by defining love keys as the things that make your wife feel most loved, and which, if absent in your relationship with her, makes her feel bad and make her non responsive to your frequent sexual demands. Of course, the same goes for you as a person; every one of us has what makes us feel loved and turns us on sexually when we are treated to those things.

Give her full attention during sexual intercourse 
This makes a woman to want to be with a man over and over. You are not just enjoying yourself; you are also making her to enjoy herself as well. Thus, being with her spirit, soul and body at the moment of sexual acts matters to her. You should avoid picking your calls in the middle of sexual acts. To avoid minimal distractions during sexual intercourse, couples should learn to put their phone in silence or switch it off completely. Also, couples should not rush into sexual intercourse, except when you are doing a ‘quickee’, and it is better enjoyed and more pleasurable, when it is at the instance of the wife. At that moment, she is ready and emotionally prepared for the husband and I can assure you that it will be a grea pleasurable experience for you, since you are ever ready as a man. My husband does not allow such opportunities to be wasted.

Make sex a free discussion between you 
Finally, do not shy away or make your wife shy away from discussing your sex life together. It is during such moment of openness that you can both share what turns you on or off with reference to sex. I have discovered that when sex issues are openly discussed, it draws couples together and also allows for deliberate efforts to improve on their sexual performance for maximum sexual satisfaction for both of them on a regular basis.

• by  Bosede Ola-Samuel